Believe in Strength

Through all the ups and downs of the past few months i would have never expected to be in a situation like this.  on saturday i got into a skiing accident and acquired a compression fracture on my L2 in my spine.  i am now on high dose perkaset.  the addict in my is doing its little happy dance.  the rest of me is filled with dread and pain.

my maximum dose per day is nine.  i've decided to reduce that to six. i can take three at a time, and that seems to be the only way to combat this awful agony i am in.  after talking to my supports and sponsor, i think i can get through this without stuffing a pill up my nose or taking a handful.  even if i don't believe in myself, i have lots of people who do.  what a blessing!

i've been doing a lot of goddess work with the Queen of the Underworld Ereshkeigal.  she is a sumerian goddess of severity, ordeals and death.  i looked over my shoulder and found that she has been behind me for the past five years, pushing me, cutting away that which is not necessary and testing my fortitude.  though she is a stern mistress, she gives me strength.  there is a lot of despair and crushing anxiety in my life right now, but now that i know i have her in my corner i can face these challenges and crises with grace and power.

i can do this.

i hope...