The Universe in a Nutshell

 

Or rather trying to cram itself inside of my head.  Ten million ideas all at once, assaulting my senses, overloading my thoughts and derailing everything I know of logic and its counterpart, common sense.  I can't possibly continue to push forward into the chaos that is my mind, but I am compelled to, like a moth to a flame.  There is something bigger to all of this, and all i have to do is remember... just remember!

why can't i remember?

Bash Head Here

i'm sure a plethora of things can contribute to a feeling of helplessness and despair.  i don't really care to get into them at the moment.  i'd like to think they're not overwhelming or all consuming.  but sometimes they are.  i'm not to terribly sure what the hell i think i'm doing, putting my heart on the line again like this.  it's a double sided blade, really, and i hurt as much as i am hurting without realizing it.  

i wish i could see when i'm about to say something stupid or hurtful ahead of time. it'd sure make things a hell of a lot easier.  

somehow i get this dreadful feeling that this won't work.  i want to brace for it, but it would certainly put on a colder air that she would notice.  so i think i'll go willingly headlong into something that i know is going to hurt and hurt bad.  its like ciel asking sebastian to be as brutal as he can possibly be to etch upon his existence that his life mattered.  

as if it really did.

as if i could.

Slipping Away

i feel like i'm slipping away somehow...

Dazed and Confused

She loves me

She loves me not

I can rely on my friends

FUCK my friends

I love humans

I HATE the human race and everything about them

I need silence

I'm terrified of the quiet

I love her so much

I can't say "I love you" to save my life

what...?

what's happening to me??

Everything I Touch I Break

you make it hard to breathe

it's as if i'm suffocating

and when you're next to me

i can feel your heartbeat through my skin

it makes me sad to think 

that this could all be for nothing

i wish there were a way

for you to see inside me

i've never felt this way

about anyone

or anything

tell me

what do i have to do?

to make you happy?

what do i have to do?

to make you understand?

what do i have to do?

to make you want me?

and if i can't make you want me...

what do i have to do?

i know exactly what you're thinking

and i swear this time

i will not let you down

i'm not as selfish as i used to be

and i swear this time i will not let you down

right now i think i would try anything

anything at all to keep you satisified

god i hope you see

what loving you will do to me

all i want is one more chance

tell me

what do i have to do to make you love me??

Thinking Demon

Is there a way ...

To continue on...

Without rumination?

and ... and THEN...

I'M NOT HALF AS THINK AS YOU DRUNK I AM!!!!!!!!!!!