he isn't gaining weight. pediatrician declares i may have thin milk, and has put Rowen on an all formula diet.  I can pump to keep my supply up if that isn't the case....

I don't want to think about the consequences if this isn't the case.  

If it's not me, then he has some kind of absorption problem, and who knows what kind of drastic measures are going to be needed in order to make sure he survives?? I don't like to think that I'm the issue... but if i'm not...

Is this because of the pot early on??? Have I doomed this child to a life of sub-par existence? Or worse... death?

I'm no mother.

I'm a monster.


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