I'm tired of waking up and feeling dread

I Did It Again

I must be stupid in the head.  I can't handle the stress of another's stress.  I'm not his mother, his counselor or his teacher.  I'm supposed to be an adult confidant and a mature partner.  I can't handle otherwise, I can't get better with this childish behavior.  I can't be physical all the time, with or without a relationship.  I need to be alone.  I'm a lesbian, I don't want men in my life anymore.  The more I try, the more I fail.  Then again, my track record with women isn't much better, but the good times were so much more intense with her than any other person.  What I don't understand is why I can't enjoy good things while I have them.  I can't accept stability in exchange for a lie.  So I break away to be alone again.  I guess I'm not done evolving and changing, and I need to do this on my own without intimate help.  I thought I was ready.  I was wrong.  If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone.