mixed eulogy

i'm not really sure where i am at this point in my life.  it's as if my life has paused for an interlude before moving on to the next big event.  i'm ... waiting.  for what? i'm kind of getting impatient here.  i'm drowning in a sea of nothing.  nothing at all.  i'm losing myself to the tide of these personae.   the pills keep them at bay most of the time, but every once in a while they pop up unannounced when i feel like i'm about to panic.  everyone has changed.  everything has changed.  but me.  i'm still right here.  stuck to a schema of eradicated truths.  its a ghost i cannot see, but i know it's there.  

contemplating death a lot lately. good thing i have responsibilities, huh?


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