fuck everything

everything i touch i break.  what a true saying.  i can't seem to do anything right and every time i think about swallowing a bottle of pills or putting a gun to my head, i have that beautiful ball and chain named Serenity that puts the brakes on.  I curse her existence some days, tethering me to this wretched world that would be better off without me.  I can't let her grow up without a mother, one that loves her and would do anything for her, even survive one more day just to see her face at the end of the week.  I drag myself through every week just to see her smile when she sees me.  I exist solely for her benefit.  There is absolutely nothing but her to live for anymore.  I wish i had died in that car crash, before all this mess.  Go out on a high note.  Everything about me is a lie.  Every smile, every fantasy scenario, every dice roll, every hit, every step.  I wish i was dead.  I wish i was dead.  I WISH I WAS DEAD.


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